on Love.

Broken homes are messed up.

As part of my work I am typing up case studies of the kids that Youth Alive supports. Their stories are in stacks of cream coloured files piled by the desk. They want to compile them into a database so they can access them better. They speak passionately about these kids in meetings that last all day long. I get to know their stories.

Today I read a file about a kid who’s mom decided that she didn’t want to take care of him anymore- so he got passed on to his dad, then his aunt, who pawned him to a cattle hearder, who he ran away from, joined the military barracks to run errands for the soldiers, ran away from that and ended up making his way to a foreign city to join a children’s home, and then eventually landing himself at Youth Alive. It sounded like a story from a movie- this could not be somebody’s life.

But then I thought of all the stories I have heard like this before. All the stories of unwanted children, parents who could not or would not take care of them, moving from house to house, place to place, unforgiving menial job to menial job. Displaced kids. Fatherless kids. Motherless kids. Kids without a home. I thought that the messed up, broken homes and sailing divorce rates I knew of were a western thing- that because of our hard-ass-urban-anonymity and wealth that we had forgotten how to love each other. But it’s a global thing. And its seriously injuring our kids.

Love begins in the home. If we want to love each other we have to love the ones that are close to us first- the ones that we can see all their faults and the messed up things about them- our familes. This is hard. This is why many people give up on love in the home, on marriages- it gets too difficult, too annoying and we don’t want to put up with it. “I can do better than this”, we think. But also, am I perfect? Am I righteous? Do I really ‘deserve’ better, if I was to judge myself by these same standards? I too, have sinned against my fellow man, the one I was to ‘do better for’, and so then I too, am not worthy to this ‘love’. But Love is patient, and love is kind. It is not selfish, it does not boast. Let’s not make love about ourselves- let’s not make it about what we ‘deserve’ and what we want; let’s make it about what we can give. For the sake of our children, and for the sake of our selves. Because without love, and love in the home, this world is falling apart. If we can break apart and divide our homes, our closest, most intimate relationships- then what is left for us? What is left for our kids? We must learn to love in grace, because we have all messed up on love. But the beauty and the mystery of love is this:

“That just at the right time, when we were still very powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

and-

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” – 1 John 4:10

I think we need God’s grace to love. Let us love by the One who taught us how to love, by loving us first.