God is good.

This morning I woke up rejoicing. I have been learning some things. Big time. I have been humbled and shaped and grown and refined. I have been hurting and lost and confused and unsure what the heck im doing in this land that I dreamed of forever but now, somehow, feel so displaced in. Ive prayed and screamed and cried and laughed out loud and beaten my head against a wall trying to figure out what I was thinking coming here, leaving behind everything I knew and loved, all the people that God had put in my life, that I had loved and prayed for and poured into. All the people that might be gone when I get home...

But guess what? My God is Alive. My God is powerful. My God is soveriegn, and my God is everywhere. Which is awsome, and gives me so much hope, and true, true life. Sometimes I like to assume I know what I'm doing-- but I don't. I start to rely on my own hands, I get proud or begin to think that I'm the only one who can get stuff done, get frustrated by other people, get frustrated by situations, get bitter and angry and stop believing that there is something, or someone, greater than me that I am living for.

But I believe that when we get out of those situations, our comfort zone, where we know what we are doing and think we have everything under control, we realize how very little we really know about living, about our own insecurities and failing and missunderstanding. We start to see that maybe there is something bigger here. Maybe its not all about me, and my experience, and my plans, after all.

Luther said that Discipleship is not limited to what you comprehension- it must trancend all comprehension. He said that Bewilderment is the true comprehension, Not to know where you are going is the True Knowledge.

I think thats because then we leave room for God to lead us- for God to go before us, and pick up our rear guard. To lean not on our own understanding but to lean on HIM.

That is the most beautiful and best thing that could ever be. That dispite everything that I think I know- God is there to blow my mind and show me something BIGGER. That when I think things are hard and horrible- that HE uses that time to grow us and refine us- so that through perseverence he can truely build Character- a Character that is based so fully on his love, his joy, his freedom. Jesus came to set us free- but when Im living for myself, im not living in that Freedom.

Thank GOD hes there to catch us. Thank God that he has saved us- that only by his hands this world can witness miracles- and oh, it does. I have- and I can't wait for what he'll show me next.